How to Write Effective Dialogue Tags – Part 2: Showing vs. Telling

Last week, we discussed why an issue arises when we use too many dialogue tags in our fiction. So how can us fiction writers write effective dialogue tags that 1) don’t distract readers from the scene, and 2) shows rather than tells?


It’s much easier to show how this is accomplished rather than tell you about it. (See what I did there?) ;)

Pin This!

Here’s an example of what NOT to do:

“I don’t care!” he shouted angrily. “I want some ice cream.”

What’s wrong with this example?


The writer uses the adverb angrily to tell how he said the speech. Since adverbs almost always tell rather than show, they need to be omitted from manuscripts when possible.


Let’s rewrite this in a way that shows that the character said this “angrily”:

“I don’t care!” He yanked the lid off the ice cream tub and jammed a spoon into the nearly-frozen dessert. “I want some ice cream.”

Why does this work better?


For one, because the tag “he shouted” is unnecessary in this case. The exclamation point implies that he shouted this sentence. Also, do you notice how the action tag invites the reader deeper into a scene? The reader will pick up on the fact that he’s angry by the way he “yanks” the lid off and “jams” a spoon into the container. (Side note: Always replace adverbs with strong verbs when possible. When chosen carefully, these strong verbs will set the mood you’re trying to establish.)


Are you starting to see how action beats can be far more effective in showing than dialogue tags?


Here’s another example of what NOT to do:

“I’ve never been good enough,” Sarah mumbled sadly.

What’s wrong with this example?


First, the statement she makes—that she’s never been good enough—can stand on its own. The reader will most likely pick up the hint that she means this in a sad way, not in an enthused way.


Let’s rewrite this in a way that shows that the character mumbled this “sadly”:

“I’ve never been good enough.” Sarah’s words were mumbled, and her head lowered as she stared at the big red F on her report card. Tears welled in her eyes, blurring the ink.

Why does this work better?


Again, this rewrite invites the reader to step into the scene. The action beats don’t interrupt the flow of the story, and the reader understands that the character is sad. How does the reader reach this conclusion? Through her dialogue, mumbled words, body language (head lowered), tears, and props (red F on the report card).


The other reason we want to avoid dialogue tags in our fiction is because it could result in choppy dialogue.


Here’s an example:

“Why are you here?” Ben asked. 

“Because I want to be,” Jessica said. “Is that a problem?” she asked. 

“No, I just thought you might have plans this morning,” he said. 

“I canceled them,” she said. “Besides … maybe I wanted to spend my day with you.”

What’s wrong with this example?


Not only is this dialogue smoother, but as the reader, I have no idea how the characters are saying this dialogue. Are they angry with each other? Sincere? Sarcastic? Or is Ben happy that Jessica is there?


Now, the easy way to fix this would be, of course, to add adverbs. For example:

“Is that a problem?” she asked sarcastically.

But again, this is weak because it doesn’t invite the reader deeper into the scene. It relies on the adverb to tell readers that she asked this sarcastically.


So, let’s rewrite this dialogue in a way that shows and doesn’t come across as choppy:

“Why are you here?” A furrow creased between Ben’s brows. 

“Because I want to be.” Jessica took a step closer to him, fidgeting with the chain on her necklace. 

Ben couldn’t help himself—the lightness in her voice, and the brief smile she flashed at him, stole his breath. She tilted her head at him and said, “Is that a problem?” 

“No”—he couldn’t fight the smile slipping onto his lips—“I just thought you might have plans this morning.” Why was his heart racing so fast? 

“I canceled them.” She stood in front of him now and reached for his hand. “Besides … maybe I wanted to spend my day with you.”

Why does this work better?


Not only is this dialogue no longer choppy, but it also gives the reader greater insight into the scene and characters. Thanks to the action/expression beats, the readers can now understand that the two characters aren’t angry at each other; in fact, they were flirting with each other. The first example didn’t exactly give that impression.


Notice that I used Ben’s POV interior monologue to give more insight into his heart/mind. (For example: “Ben couldn’t help himself—the lightness in her voice, and the brief smile she flashed at him, stole his breath.”)


You’ll also notice that the dialogue tag “said” was used; however, it was nearly invisible, wasn’t it? That’s how it should remain in our manuscripts. We should use them sparingly, carefully, and only when necessary. (It could actually be omitted in this example and we would still understand that Jessica was speaking.)


Summary:

When we use dialogue tags the wrong way in our writing, we rob our readers from having a “fictive dream” experience. This is the experience that comes when readers forget they’re reading a book and are swept into the lives of the characters.


When we write, we should pretend as if we’re allowing a movie to play on the screens of our readers’ minds. Movies rely on character’s body language, emotions, actions, and props to fill in the gaps between the dialogue. All of this shows what needs to be shown throughout dialogue rather than tells. (This includes subtext.)


The advantage we have as an author that filmmakers lack? We can go deeper. We can give our readers direct access into the heart and mind of our point of view characters.


So let’s use the tools we have—action/voice/emotion beats, description/props, exposition, and interior monologue—and weave these elements into our dialogue. Let’s erase all traces of telling by being intentional with our dialogue tags and using them the right way.

What’s your advice for writing effective dialogue tags? As a reader, do you find it distracting to read dialogue that uses too many dialogue tags? Let me know in the comments!

Tweetable:

How to Write Effective Dialogue Tags – Part 2: Showing vs. Telling #amwriting #writingcraft @TessaEmilyHall https://bit.ly/2qkefDE

How to Write Effective Dialogue Tags - Part 1: The Problem With Too Many

When reading fiction, dialogue tags help cue the readers in on which character is speaking. However, when a writer uses too many dialogue tags—and when they’re used incorrectly—the dialogue is being told to the reader rather than shown. If you use too many dialogue tags within your manuscript, you may risk coming across as an amateur to an agent or editor.


So how are readers supposed to know which character is speaking if dialogue tags should be avoided when possible?

Pin This!

Here’s how: Writers should show who is speaking rather than tell the reader who is speaking. They should also show how a statement/question is spoken rather than telling them how it was spoken.


In movies, the viewer does not need dialogue tags. Why? Because they’re shown which character is saying what. They also know how they’re saying it.


The dialogue tags should be almost invisible in our manuscripts as well. In other words, our characters should be so alive in readers’ imagination that they, in a sense, forget that they’re reading a book. However, this effect is impossible to accomplish if we use a dialogue tag for each line of dialogue. Those dialogue tags are constant reminders that practically scream to the reader, “This scene isn’t really happening; it was only written by the author!”



Rather than telling the reader that the character said something “angrily”, the action/emotion beats we use should bring the reader to that conclusion. By doing this, we’re inviting the reader to use their imagination rather than telling them how they should imagine the speech being spoken.


It’s okay to use dialogue tags sparingly within your scenes—especially when it’s unclear who is speaking. When necessary, we should use the tag “said”. The word “said” tends to be invisible to readers. By doing this, we'll allow the scene to continue unfolding before their eyes without bringing attention to the dialogue tags. We never want to bring attention to dialogue tags, as this is an interruption to the story and its flow.


However, too many dialogue tags in a row—even the word said—can come across as choppy. When dialogue is choppy, then the scene can no longer play out like a movie in the mind of our readers. To avoid this, we should weave in other fiction elements into our scenes to make it come to life, such as description, interior monologue, action/emotion beats, and exposition.


For every writing rule, there are always exceptions. Although editors will advise that you stay clear of dialogue tags, it is occasionally okay to use the following: 

• Asked 
• Shouted 
• Mumbled 
• Whispered 
• Muttered 

 Why? Because these dialogue tags are almost invisible, just like said tags. They’re simple and often necessary. When used sparingly, these tags won’t distract from the scene that takes place.


So how is it possible for us to write effective dialogue tags that, 1) don't distract readers from the scene, and 2) show rather than tell?


We'll discuss the answer to this question in next week's post.

~ ~ ~ 

Have you ever been distracted by too many dialogue tags in a book? Is it a struggle for you to write effective dialogue tags in your manuscript? Let me know in the comments!

Tweetable:

How to Write Effective Dialogue Tags - Part 1: The Problem With Too Many https://bit.ly/2IqEdMs @TessaEmilyHall #writingcraft #amediting

Why Does A Reader Close The Book Before Reaching The End?

The passion I have for books and coffee are almost the same. Well, not really. I'd much rather be without coffee than without books. But I can be very picky about both of them. I can't stand reading a book that isn't well-written, and it's the same with coffee - I don't even enjoy a pot of coffee that isn't fresh.

And I can usually tell if I'll like a cup of coffee by the first sip. Same with reading. Most of the time, I can tell whether or not I'm going to like a book just by reading the first chapter.

Sometimes when I read, I can tell if an author did a lot of studying on the craft of writing before seeking publication. Just because someone loves to write doesn't mean they're an automatic genius at it. A writer who seeks publication without learning the craft first is almost the same as someone auditioning for American Idol because it's their dream. Most people who have never taken voice lessons before auditioning (or just don't have the gift for it at all) end up walking away with no golden ticket in their hand.

If you want to see your name in print one day, having the passion for writing is just not enough. You must study. And if your book ends up getting published despite your bad writing (yes, many "bad books" are published nowadays), you most likely won't end up with good reviews. Some of your readers may even stop reading before getting to the last chapter.

So what are some things that make me put a book down within the first few chapters?

• The book starts with a descriptive sentence or paragraph that's filled with several adjectives/adverbs. Movies and television have caused people to become more impatient when reading. Most of your readers will want to get dropped right in the action of the story. Dialogue is often the best way to go about doing this.
• The dialogue is saturated with "he murmered" or "she demanded", etc. on almost every single dialogue tag. This is probably my number one pet peeve when I read. Not only do these distract me from the story, but they cause my focus to be shifted from the dialogue to the dialogue tags. It's lazy. Instead, why can't the author show how the character said it without telling? It also bothers me when the author uses a normal dialogue tag (he said, she said) on almost every line in the dialogue. Try your best to make the tags invisible to the reader.
• Bad dialogue. The dialogue should not be a normal, every-day conversation. Instead, your dialogue should have a purpose and be important for the plot and/or character development. If it has nothing to do with anything, then cut it out. Avoid making it too wordy also.
• A character's appearance is described all in one sentence, filled with adjectives and adverbs. This is a very cliche, lazy, and uncreative way to describe what someone looks like. I usually have to memorize the character's appearance when an author does this. Show what a character looks like in a creative way, and try not to do this all in one sentence.
• Perfect characters. It frustrates me when I read a book where the main character is popular, beautiful, a "good" Christian with the perfect Christian family, cheer captain, straight A student, and is perfect at everything she does. Some of you may argue that you really do know some "perfect" people (I think I just described my sister when she was in high school...). However, everyone has flaws. And realistically, not everyone is going to be amazing at everything. No one wants to read a book where the MC is perfect. Why? Because readers like to read about characters that they can connect with, not characters that the author made up because it's someone they wish they could be.
• Unrealistic scenes, scenarios, dialogue, and/or plot. I usually close a book when I'm reading a YA novel where I can tell that the author is no longer a teenager and has no idea what it's like to be one anymore.
• The writing lacks voice, and it's really just boring to read. Every sentence sounds the same as the one before. They all have the same length and structure. Might sound choppy. Or it might sound like a run on sentence that just keeps going and you have absolutely no idea what's happening anymore or why the sentence has yet to end and why you're even still reading this book because the writing is so terrible.
• It's repetitive. This is something that I struggle with. It's hard finding new ways to say things such as "she smiled, he laughed, she bit her lips", etc. But it bothers me when an author is repetitive. Either find fresh, creative ways of saying something or cut it out if it's used too much throughout your story.

I think that by figuring out the reasons why you stopped reading a book can help improve your book if you avoid those things in your own writing. The same can go the other way around. If you try pin-pointing the reasons why you kept turning the pages of a book, then you can weave those elements into your books as well.

~~~

What are some things that make you close a book? Why do you think so many "bad" books get published? Are you as picky as I am when it comes to books and coffee? =)

Creating Heart-Grabbing Dialogue

“Dialogue is my forte. Whether that is because I am an actor or merely talented in that regard I have no idea. Nor do I care. When I write, I always feel like I am just taking dictation-following the characters around and writing down what they say.”

~Dirk Benedict

Have you ever watched a movie or read a book where a certain scene between two people completely moved you to tears? Maybe the conversation made you laugh yourself silly, put you on the edge of your seat, or even made you stop and think. That's heart-grabbing dialogue. That kind of dialogue is what makes stories so real and touching.

It's not just what the author writes that touches the reader, it's what the characters say. It's how you have them express the way they feel. Many authors will tell you that to be a good writer you must read, read, read. I believe that is true, but I think it's also very helpful to watch movies. One thing that has really helped me with writing dialogue has been taking notes during the movies that I watch. What makes a powerful dialogue scene in movies so strong? How does the diversity of characters contribute to the uniqueness of the story? Watch the character's facial expressions, their gestures, body language, etc. Make sure to take good notes and include what you have learned by watching movies into your dialogue.

Each scene should contribute to the plot of the story, not weigh it down. While you're editing, try to delete as many pointless dialogue lines as you can. Make sure your dialogue is realistic, but don't make it so real that the readers get bored and put the book down.

How can you tell if the dialogue is slowing the story down or moving it forward? Ask yourself these questions:

Is my dialogue...

• helping to develop my characters? The best way to have your characters developed are through dialogue, since you are showing the reader their personality without having to tell them about it. If the character is funny, then prove it by what they say. If they're bossy, then don't just tell that to the reader, let them experience it for themselves. Also, make sure that the way you have your characters talk match their personality as well. If your protagonist is uneducated then he/she may use slang in their speech, and their vocabulary probably won't be as sharp as an intelligent character's would. Here are some great tips to keep in mind while choosing the diction for your characters: http://www.ehow.com/how_4543069_construct-diction-character-writing.html
• creating conflict? Without dialogue, it's almost impossible for a conflict to take place in your story. Remember there can be minor conflicts, such as the protagonist being late for school. Then there is the big conflict which takes place during the climax of the story. This should create the biggest turning point in your story for your protagonist, so make sure to especially avoid short-talk dialogue during this part.
• too dragged out? Make sure that pointless dialogue, such as short-talk, is cut out from your story. Keep the readers interested in what is happening. Make sure to include enough action as well. You do not want you readers to become bored or confused.
• showing instead of telling? Some people may think it's almost impossible to “tell” in dialogue when you use quotation marks, but this is not true. Speech tags should be only used when necessary. Instead of saying “she gasped”, you could say “her jaw dropped as she slowly backed away from him”. Don't forget to use the notes you take during movies to help you choose which body gestures to add throughout your dialogue.
• including background information? Dialogue is a great tool to provide the reader with necessary background information. Instead of telling the reader during the first chapter that the protagonist is a detective, you could have one of the characters let the reader know this by bringing it up in dialogue. For example: “Ever since you were hired to investigate the murder, you've been prying into every detail of my personal life.” Remember to be sure that the background information contributes to the story. Don't have a character talk about the protagonist's dead Grandma if that's not part of the plot or character development.
• helping my protagonist to grow? Characters learn from each other through dialogue. Think of Landon from “A Walk To Remember”. The conversations he had with Jamie eventually turned him into a completely different person. By creating this kind of dialogue you can help your readers grow as well. Just be sure not to make your characters too preachy or the only thing that will grow is the reader's annoyance.

~~

Of course there can be endless questions someone could ask themselves when editing or writing dialogue, but what are some things you try to keep in mind? Which book or movie included your favorite heart-grabbing conversation? Why do you think it touched you?

“To me, all writing is like music. And especially dialogue.”

-Dirk Benedict