Saturday, November 29, 2014

When Reality Decides to Copy My Fiction

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One of my favorite aspects of writing is having the opportunity to incorporate my own struggles and experiences into my fiction.

But I didn’t know the opposite was true as well: that my reality would, at times, begin to copy my fiction.

After I completed my YA novel, PURPLE MOON, I started to have deja-vu as many of my personal experiences seemed as if they were written straight out of my book.

None of these moments were creepy or extremely overt—they were subtle, but definitely obvious. Such as meeting someone who was strangely similar to one my secondary characters, in almost the same way that my protagonist met them.

Of course, I’m not being superstitious or anything like that. I just think it’s interesting to witness these coincidences (and it makes me almost reconsider writing some other story ideas I have … haha).

However, the latest way my reality has attempted to copy my fiction wasn’t exactly fun to witness. Nor was I expecting it.

I can’t exactly announce what this was since I don't want to give away any spoilers. But let’s just say that—there is a secondary character in PURPLE MOON that has a certain struggle. And this certain struggle tempts her to become angry with God, preventing her from keeping up with her blog.

I hate to admit that this has been the case with me as well.

photo credit: Aki Hänninen via photopin cc
After I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, I have struggled to keep up with all of my work. At first, I wasn’t aware how much diabetes would affect my daily life—besides, I knew a few people who have had it and they seemed to be doing just fine living their lives.

But apparently the shock of it all has been too much for me to handle. And I didn’t want this to be the case.

I wanted to maintain a good attitude through it all. I wanted to thank God and trust Him, no matter what.

But little by little, I have felt my faith being stretched. Such as the times when I wake up in middle of the night with a high or low blood sugar. Or the fact that I have had 9 appointments with my doctor/endocrinologist/diabetic educator in three months (and have 3 more in December).

photo credit: DeathByBokeh via photopin cc
Or when I started to notice that my hair was falling out in handfuls, and it honestly hasn’t stopped. It has been two months since it started, and I now have about half, or less, the amount of hair than I used to.

And I admit: There have been times when I have gotten angry, when I started to wonder what I did to deserve this. And I hate this kind of attitude. I’ve always hated it when people would blame God for their struggles. Because I know that God has the ability to bring beauty of ashes. I know that, as long as I stay with Him, everything I face can be used for good some day.

Which is why I have become upset when I catch myself getting angry with God, asking Him why this has happened to me. This was not in the plans I had for myself this year.

This was not where I saw myself: getting so behind in my work because of a time-consuming, threatening, stressful, unpredictable, annoying, chronic disease.

I wasn’t expecting for my source of excitement to come from receiving two devices in the mail, both of which will constantly be attached to me. One that measures my blood glucose throughout the day (which prevents me from having to prick my fingers as often), and another that delivers insulin into my body (which prevents me from having to give myself multiple daily injections).

My continuous glucose monitor. This thing is a life-saver.

I wasn’t expecting that I would have to be careful about every single carb I ate, or that I would have to become aware of what my blood sugar was constantly to avoid passing out or going into a coma.

I’m not saying all of this to make you feel sorry for me; I’m saying this so you’ll hopefully understand why I have neglected to keep up with this blog very well recently.

I want apologize, just like my secondary character did in Purple Moon, to all of my readers.

And just so you know, I am not closing this blog. Blogging is my passion. I love having the opportunity to meet other writers, to share what I have learned, to document my journey, and encourage teenagers. This is the best outlet I have to do so.

I am, however, asking that you guys bear with me. I am going to spend December recuperating and getting caught up in other things (such as school, writing, and promotion), and reflecting on which direction I should take my blog in 2015.

I will continue to post, as I have been doing—just not my usual, 3-times-a-week postings. (I will, however, continue to post Monday’s Minute Challenge.)

And if you guys could let me know what changes you would like to see on my blog, that would be awesome! 

Let me know in the comments:
  • What you enjoy most about my blog
  • If there is anything you would like for me to do differently (even in Monday's Minute Challenge)
  • Your favorite and least favorite posts (book reviews, coffee recipes, writing tips, devotions, personal posts, author interviews, etc.) 
Thanks, everyone! 

Meanwhile, check out how you can win a $20 Amazon gift card or my novel, PURPLE MOON. Click here for details! =)

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  1. Tessa, you are such a beautiful person inside and out. I know that you may think that's just a nice, reactional thing for me to say, but I sincerely mean it. Your heart for God shines in a way that has encouraged and inspired me more times than I can say. Also, you've no idea how much I appreciate your brave honesty when it comes to your struggles.

    Dear Jesus, I just want to lift Tessa up to you right now. May she feel your love surrounding her with Your steadiness, Your peace, Your joy… Help her through this trying time and let her be assured of your care for her.

    1. Joni, thank you so much for your kind words and prayer. You are so sweet. It really means so much to hear that I am an inspiration to you.

      I am so grateful to have such supportive, Godly, and encouraging readers. <3

  2. ^amen!
    Thank you for sharing your struggles with us. It's so encouraging to see someone living for Jesus even with troubles like these. I recently felt tempted to get mad at God, and then this post appeared! And while its important to continue to trust God, it's just nice to know that other people are struggling and overcoming too.
    I've never commented before but I thought I would today.
    Lord, bless Tessa. Help her be rooted and established deep in your love and help her grow closer to you in these hard times. Give her the strength to continue in your plan and the fill her with your joy wherever she goes. In Jesus' name, amen.

    1. Hannah, thank you for taking the time to comment and to pray for me! I really appreciate it. And yes, it can become tempting to blame God for our struggles, but we have to remember that there is always a dawn after the night. God never said this life would be easy, but He did say that He would be with us every step of the way. =)

  3. You got a continuous glucose monitor!! That's awesome! And also, I'm guessing a pump? Personally, for me it took a long time to get adjusted to my pump, and get the pump adjusted to me, so I will be praying for you :)
    Thank you for being honest, it's a great encouragement.
    God Bless (:

    1. Yes! I ordered the Dexcom and the Omnipod. I’m on the Dexcom now (which I loveee), but I have to have pump training before I use the Omnipod. I was considering Animas, but I just didn’t like the idea of having a tube connected to me 24/7. However, I just heard that the Animas & Dexcom are going to be integrated in January for the US, so now I’m reconsidering since the Omnipod is more expensive. I’m not sure though. How difficult is it having a tube connected to you constantly?

      Also, thank you so much for your prayers! I really appreciate it. =)

    2. At first, it was hard, but now I'm used to it, I don't really notice it. The biggest thing is getting dressed and getting it hooked on things :)

  4. Hi Tessa! I haven't followed your blog for very long, but so far I love it. Your advice (both spiritual and writing related) is very helpful and insightful. I really appreciate your willingness to be honest with your readers. Reading about God guiding you through your struggles has really been an encouragement to me!

    1. Thank you soso much, SK! It’s always encouraging to hear that my writing is inspiring someone. =)

      God bless!


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