Show Vs. Tell Part 2: The Rude Playwright - Dialogue

Last week I discussed what show and tell is and how authors should use filmmaking techniques. In this post I'll talk about how not to tell through dialogue, or as "Self-Editing For Fiction Writers" calls it, the rude playwright.

Dialogue is one of the most frustrating things for me to read when it's being "told" instead of "shown". I put a book down when I come across this kind of dialogue. It distracts me, reminding me that an author wrote the story. Readers don't like to be reminded of this because they'd rather feel satisfied being falsely convinced that the story they're reading is actually happening right before their eyes.

The book "Self-Editing For Fiction Writers" gives a great example of how frustrating this type of dialogue can be for your readers:

"Imagine you're at a play. It's the middle of the first act; you're getting really involved in the drama they're acting out. Suddenly the playwright runs out on the stage and yells, 'Do you see what's happening here? Do you see how her coldness is behind his infidelity? ... Do you get it?' You get it, of course... You don't need the writer to explain it to you. This is exactly what happens when you explain your dialogue to your readers."

Since showing is supposed to make things more simple for the reader, it's fairly simple to avoid telling in dialogue. There are just five general rules to keep in mind:

1. Stay away from adjectives and adverbs. People who use these through their dialogue tend to do it for each. And every. Line. This is the main thing that annoys me. Here's an example "Self-Editing For Fiction Writers" gave which helps to clarify the reason why this is wrong:
   
   "'I find that difficult to accept,' she said in astonishment. Here the explanation does let your readers know that your character is astonished. But you don't want them to know the fact, you want them to feel the emotion."
   
   Author Jill Williamson wrote a great post on why adjectives and adverbs should be avoided, only used sparingly throughout the dialogue if necessary.
2. Add beats. Beats are the character's movement during the dialogue. This can show what the characters are doing, their reactions, body language, etc. and it is a tool which can be used in place of the said tag.
3. Don't describe - simply show. Although beats are a good way of showing, authors tend to use beats as an excuse to tell. Here's a tip: avoid describing. For example, don't say:
   
   "Jenna gathered her long, curly chestnut brown hair into a bun on the top of her head but allowed a few ringlets to fall down on the side of her face. She glanced at her reflection in the mirror next to her on the back of the door then turned to me and smiled, showing off her blinding white teeth."
   
   That beat goes on, and on, and on. And most likely, people will just skim over the details and adjectives. If it isn't important, don't add it. If it can be cut, then cut it. And if it's something that a reader can imagine without having to be told, stay away from turning into the rude playwright. The writer should show what's happening simply through dialogue and that is where your focus should be.
4. Trust that the reader has an imagination and doesn't need to know every detail, which goes along with over-describing during dialogue. If you say "Jenna, your hair is gorgeous." You, the author doesn't need to then come in and tell the reader exactly how her hair looked. The reader has an imagination - I'm sure they've seen "gorgeous hair" before. Of course, if there is a significance about the hair or if it's important, then include the specific details. But only in a few words - or even a beat and the dialogue itself, such as:
   
   Jenna brushed one of her chestnut ringlets away from her face. "It's much shorter than what I described to the beautician."
   
   Doing so you are able to show what Jenna's hair looks like through a beat and dialogue, without having to describe it's length and appearance in detail.
5. Mix it up. Don't repeatedly use the "said" tag. Ugh, 'said' can get so boring. It doesn't allow the dialogue to flow as it should. However, there are many ways to "mix it up" so the reader can see what's happening and imagine what's happening. Use a beat every now and then. Use the word 'said' every now and then. Show someone's facial expressions. Or don't use anything at all. Here's an example of an over-use of the said tag:
   
   "I didn't steal your phone," Carl said. "I was eating in the cafeteria at the time it was stolen."
   "I know that you took it," Mrs. Smith said. "Mr. Jones said that he saw you come out of my classroom during lunch period with something in your hand."
   "Don't listen to him! He hates me!" Carl said. "Besides, how do you know I didn't just leave something in your classroom?"
   "Because, Carl. I know you. Now hand me my phone," Mrs. Smith said.
   "Don't have it," Carl said.
   "Yes, you do," Mrs. Smith said.
   "No, I don't! Why would you keep your cell phone on top of your desk, anyway?" Carl said.
   "How did you know it was on top of my desk?" Mrs. Smith said.
   
   Blah. That's so boring. It doesn't flow. Sure, the reader could imagine each person's emotions without having to see facial expression or hear the tone of their voice - but wouldn't that spice things up a bit? Donita K. Paul calls this type of boring dialogue the "dollhouse syndrome" in the book "A Novel Idea" - which basically means that the author is wiggling their characters to talk, similar to the way that kids wiggle or bounce their Barbie's as she talks for him/her. There's only dialogue.
   
   Instead of "wiggling the characters" to allow them to speak, mix it up:
   
   "I didn't steal your phone," Carl said. "I was eating in the cafeteria at the time it was stolen."
   Mrs. Smith's face was stern, the way it always was when she was upset. "I know that you took it. Mr. Jones said that he saw you come out of my classroom during lunch period with something in your hand."
   "Don't listen to him! He hates me!" Carl raised his voice, ignoring the fact that his other classmates were probably listening to their conversation through the closed door. "Besides, how do you I didn't just leave something in your classroom?"
   "Because, Carl. I know you. Now hand me my phone."
   He crossed his arms. "Don't have it."
   "Yes, you do."
   "No, I don't! Why would you keep your cell phone on top of your desk, anyway?"
   Mrs. Smith tilted her head. "How did you know it was on top of my desk?"

There are many rules how to write dialogue the "correct" way - but the main thing you need to remember is to write the kind that flows, the kind of dialogue that you wouldn't get frustrated reading. Most likely, that's the type of dialogue that your readers will also enjoy. Just make sure to keep the rude playwright off the stage.

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Have you ever put down a book before because the author over-told the dialogue?

What are some other general tips for showing in dialogue?

PS: Come back Friday for a chance to win the book "Me, Just Different" by Stephanie Morrill!